A gentleman went in a educational institution to recommend a candidate for an MBA course.

He, introduced himself as "poultry Chicken Poet" . On hear the words the Principal was taken
aback and asked again to name it. Then he corrected himself as "Poverty stricken Poet," therefore
he need concession in the course's fee.

                                                  **********************

A boatman to a customer: Give us "*quarter". We will take you to a ride in the in the sea.

Customer: I am not ready to sail on the "water" with you.

(*Local customary demand for alcoholic drinks)

                                                       ******************

An old man went to a luxurious hotel for a mean. The receptionist in the hotel said to the man
 here the rates are high.

The old man said: No problem, I have Card.(He saw in the notice board all cards accepted).
Then he went in had food. The waitress brought the bill and he collected and went to the
Cashier and taken out the Postcard and given along the bill.

The Cashier said: We accept Bank Credit not your Postcard.!

Cashier call the receptionist and rebuked her for not given proper advice.

She said: We cared the card of that covered.

                                                          **I**************

Two friends are in conversation:

First:      I am so glad to have Thumai as my "all weather friend".

Second: You see, you have got all weather friend. But Mr. Hoppy got "fear weather friend"

First:       What you mean "fear weather friend"?because Hoppy's friend had asthmatic problems.

                                                     *******************

A man often make calls to his friend for talk. But the man often hear his friend

     replying  that he was on on tour by bus or train. Therefore he was tired of  calling

him on phone.

           Luckily on a day, the man happened to meet his friend on the road and the man immedi-

   ately asked his friend( unaware of his presence)thinking of his phone reply asked: 

Where are you now? The friend, taken a back in embarrassment.

*****************

     An police team rounded up some begging people on the road. A beggar questioned

the policeman and said that you are interfering in our liberty.

 The policeman said, begging is public nuisance therefore we are taking to the police

station.

   The  beggar replied, see the Parliament Members, they are wasting precious working

hours though they gets huge salary and other benefits, but we are begging for sur-

vival.

The policeman warned him of his too much talk on others!

*******************

An financially struggling man went to a Palmistry to see prospect of his future to

recovery from present situation.

The Astrologer saw his palm and said you are very honest person and you have

very bright future. But you should follow certain condition in your life, you should

be jovial, steady, strong in conversation and firm in decision making  polite in 

conversation, you will be richer than Tendulkar, the astrologer said. I shall give you

some more tips for his behavioural change  and he gave some advice on that matter

and the astrologer finally asked his fee of Rs.20. The financially struggling man

gave his fee, and started weeping at the astrologer.

The Astrologer asked,why you are weeping?

The financially difficult  man said, no. I just thought of you. You made me rich in a 

short period of time. But you go with meager Rs.20, That is why I wept.

*************************

First: How the devil came in the living?

Second: Let reverse the letters "devil"

that is the source, when you abuse a person.

****************************

What is the definition for freedom and sacrifice?

Freedom: is your right to spend the money  whatever way you like.

Sacrifice: Loosing all your saving and living empty handed is sacrifice.

****************************

First: There is some agitation  going on around near the school. What is that

for? 

Second: Students agitated for free bus pass. The government issued free bus

pass. Now they demand free pass in the final examination.

*************************

One fellow said: I am going to climb mount Everest!.

The other asked: Why do you want to?

I wanted to rise my living by arise.

                                                     ********************


Two Political leaders discussing each other:

The first said: US intelligent snooping internet and and
telephone connection.

What is snooping?

The Other politician said: we don't want their intelligence snooping but
                                       we want to know from Maoist how could  they
                                       scooping our intelligent.

The other:  ? ?  ?

                                                    ***********************


Firs:        Do you eat Mangoes

Second:   Yes!

First:        How the name mangoes come to it?

First:        Because man goes to plugs it.!

                                                   ************************


First:   Why Twinkle Khanna unbotton her her Jeans at the Lakme
           Fashion week?

Second: Because Pope Francis says gays must not marginalized!

                                                 ***********************

Que:What is difference between embarrassment and embrace?

Ans:The difference between gay and married man


                                                 *************************.

   

1.      Web News viewers send a message to the digital editor as under:

           Sir, We were embarrassed by reading the errors on your Novel at the Web which you
           have published

           The Editor replied: When mind and thought embraced each other, correction disappeared
            in shy. So you had the embarrassment..
                                                 ***********************
2.         A writer sent an article to the Newspaper office for publication.

            The Editor called the writer on Phone and said, we cannot release your article in our
            paper since it was not in  proper word formation and looks like new language.
           
           The writer replied: Sir, I have been reading your daily since several years, please
           consider me sympathetically.
                 
            The Editor: ? ? ?
                                                    **************************

3.         Assassin had a solution but Assange has no solution. Do you know why?

             Because he leaks news to media.
     
             (Lulian Assange, Wikileaks News)

                                                          **************************

4.          Two persons are watching a man carrying something in a basket on his head.
 
             The first asked the other: What he was carrying on head.
              The second said:             He is an self employed Professional carrying eggs
                                                     to the market for sale.
                                                         
                                                      *****************************

5.           In a Spoken English Class, a student wants to become a Public Speaker. So he
               asked the teacher for help.

               The teacher said:   Go and stand before crying donkey and give a lecture until it
                                            all run away from the scene.You will be declared as Public
                                            speaker.
                The Student:          ? ? ?

                                                         ********************************

6.              An villager had a doubt on Bench and the Bar. So he asked his friend about it.

                 His friend replied:: After watching an argument at bar, there will be no bench there
                                              that persons transported to behind bar(Iron gate).

                                                            *********************************                                                      

1)                A man have longing for visit  Washington and in disappointment, said:
                             
                                   Washing away because washing done straight away.

                                                      *************************
2)                 A homeless person said after watching several advertisement on "Plot for Sale".
                                                 
                                      Some plot their living on sale
                                      Some flat-en their living by sale.
                                                       *************************
3)                 A sick man request!

                   A man was admitted in hospital for sick and was crying for Kerosene. People were alarmed
                   hearing the word because it was rare commodity in the market.Moreover people feared he   life.
                   would end his life.
       
                    On hearing his sound scream a nurse went near him and asked his problem.
                    He said:"I am ailing withterrible headache, I want kerosene. 'The Nurse said to him,
                    Kerosene won't relieve your headache butI will give you a tablet "Crocin" which might
                     relieve your pain.

                    The man said, Yes that is Crocin not Kerosene.He was sick on a sin.in naming.

                                                    ***************************** 

4)                   A daily wage laborer's hardship in life resented as under:

                                           Some cool on living gold
                                           Some coal  by living cold.

                                                    ******************************              


   
     

1)    The name boards sometime put our thought in humor :
                      Here are some:
           
                          Name Board before a Engineering Workshop

                                           "Fairplay Steal Works"

                          A Board hangs on a shop at a village  in J& K
           
                                              "Doctors Clinic"

                            Name board in a Hospital:
     
                                             " Impotent Clinic"

                            Before at shop in K.K.Dt.
           
                                               "Trailor shop"
                                             
                                                     ***********
                             

2)   An, Issue

                         M.P:              I raised border threat in Parliament. But the ruling Party seeks
                                              security of support to run the Government.
 
                         Another MP:  Therefore security of your thought secure no border to
                                              support.
                                                            ***********

3)     Sport News:
   
                    One said:           Ajai Maken targets 25 Medals in 2020 Olympic
                   Second said        Maken(Makken) is ready Where is sliced bread?
                           
                                               (Makken- butter in Hindi)


                                                               *************

4)      The Cell

                 One friend asked
                  the other:                            Have you got cell?
                                                              No!

                 The first:                             Then how could you respond my inquiry?
                  The second                        I didn't know you don't have the nominal
                                                           sense the Cell.

                                                                       **************
 5)      Inappropriate word create embarrassment sometimes:

                                   A young guy spent time with  his girl-friend's house and he was about to move
                                   and rushed down-stair. Unfortunately he slipped down at the foot-step and the
                                   girl watched this and shouted: as, hi "be careful" !

                                   The word no taste to the situation and the boy never turned up again to
                                    meet her.
                                                                           *************

6)        Monsoon Session of Parliament:
            
                        A News:       2012 Monsoon Session  Parliament working hours wasted by frequent
                                             adjournment  by slogan outing because allegation of irregularities in coal
                                             block allocation.

                        A comment:   Poor people blacken their living working in Coal mine.
                                             Parliamentarian blocks the session working on coal blocks..:
                 

                                                              ************

1)                    To check the knowledge of the Mathematics Lecturer, the Judge
                         asked a  question

                        The Judge:       How much one divided by zero is equal to?
                         The Lecturer:  Infinity
                         The Judge:      Therefore your job forfeited  as per your
                                                answer.                
                                                       
                                                       ************


2)                    News Heading: Two helicopters collide head on air at Jamnager
                         After read the news one said: It went to Jamnager,so it happened.
                   
                        (Jamnager: a district in Gujarat) meaning is jam+nager(village)
                                               
                                                        ***********

3)                                                 Patient to Doctor

                        Patient: Doctor : Does this treatment be a painful?
                                               
                        Doctor:              The treatment never be painful but the bill will give you
                                                  a pills of bitter taste.

                                                          ************

4)                     A boy proud of his father and said, to his classmate that my father, in his office
                        control every body, from Director to Administrator.

                        One of the boy asked, then what was his position in the Office:

                        The boy boasted and said:, that he take notes and type orders for them.

                                                            *************

5)                                             Correction And Clarification

                           Correction:  The third paragraph of the Sport Page the Player hit
                                               hit sixes..
                                   
                           Clarification: Actually the player did not hit six. We don't know
                                               what he hit but latter came to know he hit the mail
                                                box and break the news.

                                                             ****************

6)                        The News heading one said::  They win the Cup.
                            After reading another said:     There was wine in the Cup.

                                                             *******************

7)                   Two friends traveled in a village watching the natural beauty of the area and
                       in one area they noticed rubbish dumped in a Canal which emanating fitly
                       smell and little distance they saw a Notice Board in English describing about
                       maintaining  hygienic in the area.
                     
                       After watching the Notice Board  and the awkward scene of the area
                       they said themselves:
                     
                       The Authorities modernized by a Board but the villagers  de-modernized
                        by their standard.
                                                           
                                                                ***************